i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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