we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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