Plan B is the new Plan A
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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