hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
