I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
