sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
