you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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