just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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