Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
