I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
