my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
