but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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