you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
