I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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