I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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