My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
