I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
