I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
