GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
