why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
