im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
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I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
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I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize