My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
