Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
