I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
