she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
