Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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