1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
