Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
