batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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