Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The uberlube is also flammable
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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