Where did you get a picture of my penis
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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