but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
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Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
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I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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