I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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