Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Two words: blizzard sex
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
