who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
