I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
