So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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