this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
