Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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