so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
