Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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