Already got asked if we're dating
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
