Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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