she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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