and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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