i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
