i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
