ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
