Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
