Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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