i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
