I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
