the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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