u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
