I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
