respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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