I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
