Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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