I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
