Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
