Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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