Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
