last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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