nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
