I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
