You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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