I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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