If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
