You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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