Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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