I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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