can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
