ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize