Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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