You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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