No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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