Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
