This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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