i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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