HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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