He had one of those small greek statue penises
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
