Fine. I'll sleep in my office
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
